Divorce is hard enough on its own. When children are involved, parents may also worry about how the process will affect their family. Will the children be emotionally OK? Will you and your former spouse be able to communicate after the divorce? What will holidays, school events, graduations, and other important moments look like in the years ahead?
Those questions are part of the reason some parents consider collaborative family law. Rather than preparing to fight over every disagreement in court, spouses work with collaboratively trained professionals to reach decisions together. For families in Pennsylvania and New Jersey who want to preserve a workable relationship after divorce, that different approach can have meaningful benefits.
What Does Collaborative Divorce Actually Look Like?
At the core of collaborative divorce is an agreement to work toward resolving disputes without litigation. Each spouse has their own collaboratively trained lawyer, and everyone signs a participation agreement committing to the process.
The collaborative team may also include neutral professionals when their expertise would be helpful. For example, a financial professional can help the spouses understand assets, income, and other financial issues. A mental health professional may help parents develop an age-appropriate parenting plan and work through emotions or communication challenges that could otherwise make productive discussions more difficult.
The process takes place through a series of meetings where concerns can be identified, financial information can be exchanged, and possible solutions can be discussed. If the collaborative process ends and either spouse chooses to pursue the dispute in court, the collaborative attorneys must end their representation in the collaborative matter, and the spouses will need new attorneys for the litigation. This structure gives the entire collaborative team an incentive to remain focused on finding a resolution.
Reason 1: You Can Keep Children at the Center, Not in the Middle
Most parents going through divorce want the same basic thing: for their children to be healthy, supported, and able to adjust to the changes in their family. A collaborative process gives parents a setting where they can work through parenting decisions with that shared goal in mind.
Instead of asking a judge to resolve every disputed issue, parents can discuss the details that matter to their family, including schedules, holidays, school activities, and other day-to-day concerns. A coach or other collaborative professional may also help parents communicate more productively and develop a parenting plan that reflects their family’s needs.
This does not mean parents will agree about everything. Collaborative divorce gives them a structured way to work through those disagreements while trying to reduce unnecessary conflict. That can be particularly valuable when parents know they will need to continue communicating long after the divorce is final.
Reason 2: You Have a Direct Role in the Outcome
One of the biggest differences between collaborative divorce and litigation is who makes the decisions.
In litigation, unresolved issues may ultimately be decided by a judge. In the collaborative process, you and your spouse work with your lawyers and other professionals to develop solutions you can both accept.
That can give families more flexibility when addressing issues such as:
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Parenting schedules and holidays
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Financial arrangements after divorce
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The division of property and other assets
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Communication about future family decisions
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Other practical concerns that are important to your family’s daily life
The goal is not for one spouse to win and the other to lose. It is to identify each person’s concerns, exchange the information needed to make informed decisions, and work toward an agreement that allows both people to move into the next chapter of their lives.
Reason 3: You Can Build a Foundation for the Relationship Ahead
Divorce ends a marriage, but when you have children together, it does not necessarily end your relationship with your former spouse. You may still see each other at school events, birthdays, graduations, weddings, and family milestones many years from now.
So it is worth asking: What do you want that relationship to look like after your divorce?
Collaborative divorce is designed around communication and problem-solving rather than courtroom conflict. Parents have an opportunity to practice working through difficult decisions together with professional support available when conversations become challenging.
The relationship may never be perfect, and that is not the goal. The goal is to create a process that allows parents to move forward with dignity while building a workable foundation for future communication.
When Might Collaborative Divorce Not Be the Right Fit?
Collaborative divorce is not appropriate for every family. The process depends on both spouses participating voluntarily, exchanging necessary information, and making a genuine effort to negotiate.
Significant power imbalances, coercive or violent behavior, or other circumstances that interfere with safe and informed participation may affect whether the process is appropriate. A collaboratively trained attorney can help you evaluate your circumstances before you commit to this approach.
And sometimes, despite everyone’s efforts, the collaborative process does not result in a complete agreement. When that happens, litigation remains available. Because the collaborative lawyers cannot continue representing the spouses in the contested court matter, each spouse would need to retain new counsel.
Is Collaborative Divorce Right for Families in the Greater Philadelphia Area?
There is no single divorce process that works for every family. But if your priorities include reducing unnecessary conflict, having a direct role in important decisions, and preserving a workable relationship with your former spouse, collaborative divorce may be worth considering.
At BKW Family Law LLC, our attorneys understand that the road through divorce matters, not just the final paperwork. Our law firm works with clients to find solutions that address their family’s unique needs and help them move forward positively. A collaboratively trained lawyer can explain the process, answer your questions, and help you decide whether this approach makes sense for your circumstances.
Our doors are open if you want to explore the benefits of collaborative divorce. Contact our office to schedule a confidential discussion about your situation and how we may be able to help you and your family.